Last Friday, it was finally a perfect day for romping around at the park with our homeschooling group. Some delightful ladies from the local baby wearing group joined us with their rosy cheeked little ones all comfy close to their mommas. It was a happy scene.
I am now far from baby wearing as my 'little' one turns ten in a few weeks. Our older daughter will be having her first baby in November. Meanwhile the last month has been filled with shopping and preparations to launch my older son into the world to serve a mission for our church. It is a birth of sorts and just as painful a transition.
As we left the park, I looked wistfully at these moms in their youth. I don't know how to be okay with that season of my life being so long gone. I was so confident then in my opinions and beliefs. So very sure of myself and how I wanted life to be. Life has shown me that I really lack. That the more I acquire in knowledge, the more I realize that there is just so much more I will never have the time to learn. There are days when mortality smacks me in the face.
Today was the day when it was time to let my young man boldly go into his quest. The security personnel look through his bags and he quickly stretched around them to sign “I Love You” one last time. The next time I hug him will be in two years. I am so pleased at the man he has become despite my failings. Conflicting emotions are rocking my heart.
My baby boy is sad that his brother is gone, his sisters are realizing how quiet the house is without young man energy, and it might take more time than we thought to adjust to our new normal. I gave him all the roots I could and I pray his wings are strong.
So the baby wearing takes on a new form. No longer am I wrapping that sling around our bodies so we can be close. I am wrapping my heart and love energy around each one, hoping that all the strength from my love will carry them into adulthood well.