Still trying at this Mom thing

He was ready. Everything was packed and he was excited and terrified at the same time. In retrospect, I failed. We arrived at the dropping off point and loaded cars but the adults were not quite ready. An hour & 1/2 from the time we arrived they were finally all loaded. He got into the Scout Master's car to leave and then bolted out in tears. Then we went home and he cried the whole way. He just couldn't go.

Being on the spectrum is hard when you just want to be like the other boys. I failed because we have a family rule and because he expressed a small desire to go camping, I was thrilled and relented. I thought it would be such a great triumph if he could do this. I talked to him about facing fears and be brave. I should have said no. We have a family rule and Michael is not here to attend with him. I feel like I could have saved his heartache and spared him from all the anxiety the the entire week prior if I had just followed our rule. Being non-neuro typical comes with seeing the world in a whole different way. A unique and incredible gift. He makes me smile everyday. We approach daily living in a slower more observant way. Things take a little longer to bloom around our home, but it is still amazingly beautiful.

So after five kids I am still learning, still trying to do the right thing, and still failing. It is a process and I am still just trying to be the best mom I can be.

PS: Ignore the fourth of July decorations on the mantle. It is September I will change them eventually. Another Mom fail :)